Why is my grandfather with dementia refusing to eat because he “has to wait for his mother”?

Grandpa’s refusal to eat because he’s waiting for his mother is a common and challenging situation for families dealing with dementia. This behavior stems from the way dementia affects the brain, causing confusion and altering perception of time and reality[1].

As dementia progresses, people often experience changes in their eating habits and food preferences. Your grandfather might be reliving memories from his childhood, when his mother prepared meals for him. In his mind, he may genuinely believe he needs to wait for her before eating[1][5].

This situation can be frustrating and worrying for caregivers, but it’s important to approach it with patience and understanding. Here are some ways to help:

1. Play along: Instead of correcting him, try saying something like, “Mom called and said to go ahead and eat without her.”

2. Create a familiar environment: Use dishes or play music that might remind him of his childhood mealtimes.

3. Offer favorite foods: Serve dishes he enjoyed in the past, as familiar tastes might encourage eating[1].

4. Keep mealtimes social: Eat with him or invite others to join, as this can make eating more appealing[3].

5. Provide easy-to-eat foods: Offer finger foods or softer options if he’s having trouble with utensils or swallowing[1].

6. Consider timing: He might be more receptive to eating at different times of day.

7. Consult a doctor: Refusal to eat could also be due to other health issues or medication side effects[3].

Remember, this behavior isn’t intentional. Your grandfather’s brain is processing information differently due to dementia. With patience and creative approaches, you can often find ways to encourage eating and ensure he gets the nutrition he needs.