Why is my father with dementia terrified of bedtime, convinced he won’t wake up?

Bedtime fears in people with dementia, like your father’s worry about not waking up, are quite common. This fear often stems from the confusion and disorientation that dementia causes, especially as day turns to night.

As the sun goes down, many dementia patients experience something called “sundowning.” This is when their symptoms get worse in the late afternoon and evening. They might feel more anxious, confused, or agitated. For your dad, this might be showing up as a fear of going to sleep.

Dementia affects the brain’s ability to process time and surroundings. Your father might be losing track of time, thinking it’s much later than it really is. He could be mixing up day and night, which makes bedtime feel scarier. The darkness and quiet of nighttime can also be unsettling for someone whose mind is already confused.

Another factor could be that your dad is having trouble remembering recent events. He might not recall waking up that morning, so the idea of going to sleep feels like stepping into the unknown. This uncertainty can be frightening.

Sleep problems are very common in dementia. Your father might be experiencing disrupted sleep patterns, waking up frequently during the night. If he’s not getting restful sleep, bedtime might feel more threatening.

Sometimes, medications can play a role in these fears. Some dementia medications can cause vivid dreams or nightmares, which might make your dad anxious about sleeping.

It’s also possible that your father is aware of his declining health on some level. This awareness might translate into a fear of not waking up, even if he can’t articulate it clearly.

To help your dad feel more comfortable at bedtime, try to establish a calm, consistent routine. Keep the environment familiar and soothing. Soft lighting, comfortable bedding, and reassuring words can make a big difference.

Make sure he’s getting enough physical activity during the day, as this can help with sleep quality. Limit caffeine and big meals close to bedtime. If he takes any medications, check with his doctor about the best time to give them.

Most importantly, offer plenty of reassurance. Even if he doesn’t remember in the morning, knowing that someone is there and cares can help ease his fears in the moment.

Remember, this behavior is part of the disease, not a reflection on you or your care. It’s a challenging situation, but with patience and understanding, you can help your father feel more secure at bedtime.