I recently took a deep dive into my 10-year friendship patterns, and what I discovered was nothing short of astonishing. It all started with a simple question: What makes some friendships last while others fade away? To find the answer, I delved into the world of attachment theory and the dynamics of human relationships.
Attachment theory explains how we form emotional bonds with others, starting from our early interactions with caregivers. These bonds shape our relationship patterns throughout life, influencing how we connect with others, handle intimacy, and manage conflicts. There are four main attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized. Each style affects how we navigate friendships and other relationships.
My analysis revealed that my friendships were heavily influenced by these attachment styles. Some friends had a secure attachment, making them reliable and supportive. Others had anxious or avoidant styles, which sometimes led to misunderstandings or distance. Understanding these patterns helped me appreciate why some friendships were more resilient than others.
Another aspect I explored was the concept of philia, which is about friendly interaction and mutual trust. People with strong philia tend to value equal cooperation and shared interests in their relationships. This concept helped me see why some friendships blossomed into meaningful connections while others remained superficial.
Lastly, I applied the “friendship formula” to my relationships. This formula suggests that friendships are built on proximity, frequency, duration, and intensity. By evaluating these elements, I realized that some friendships had naturally developed over time due to consistent interactions and shared experiences. Others, despite initial enthusiasm, lacked the depth and frequency needed to sustain them.
Reflecting on these insights, I’ve come to appreciate the complexity and beauty of friendships. Each relationship is unique, shaped by a mix of attachment styles, mutual interests, and the quality of interaction. This journey of self-discovery has not only deepened my understanding of my friendships but also taught me how to nurture and value them more effectively.
