When a parent is diagnosed with dementia, it’s common for both the parent and their family to feel overwhelmed. One of the toughest things to deal with is denial—when your parent refuses to accept help or even acknowledge that anything is wrong. This isn’t stubbornness; it’s often part of the disease itself. Understanding this can help you respond in ways that are more compassionate and effective.
Denial can show up in different ways. Your parent might insist they don’t need help, get angry when you suggest it, or simply ignore what’s happening. For family members, this can be confusing and hurtful. You might feel frustrated or helpless, especially when you see your loved one struggling but refusing support.
The first step is empathy. Try to imagine how scary and confusing this must be for your parent. Dementia affects memory, judgment, and even self-awareness. What looks like denial may actually be fear—fear of losing independence, fear of becoming a burden, or fear of what the future holds.
Instead of arguing or insisting on care right away, start by listening without judgment. Let your parent know their feelings matter: “I know this is hard,” or “I understand you want to do things yourself.” This kind of validation helps build trust and makes them less defensive.
Introduce changes slowly and gently. If your parent resists outside help from caregivers or doctors at first, don’t force it all at once—start with short visits from someone new so they have time to adjust.
Offer choices whenever possible instead of demands: “Would you like a shower now or after lunch?” Giving simple options helps them feel some control over their life at a time when so much feels out of control.
It also helps to focus on collaboration rather than confrontation: “Let’s try doing this together,” instead of “You have to do what I say.” Working as a team gives them dignity while still making sure they get needed support.
If apathy sets in—if your parent seems uninterested in activities they once enjoyed—don’t blame them for being lazy; apathy isn’t something people choose but another symptom caused by dementia itself[3]. Encourage small steps toward familiar routines without pushing too hard if resistance remains strong[3].
For children who notice these changes but aren’t sure how talk about them openly because adults around may already seem stressed out themselves[2]. Sometimes talking through worries with another trusted adult (a teacher counselor friend) makes sense too since everyone processes grief differently especially young people facing big shifts within families affected by illness like dementia which impacts generations across households not just individuals alone
Remember patience above all else because progress happens slowly sometimes setbacks occur along way yet showing love respect throughout journey matters most even during difficult moments where nothing seems changeable anymore except perhaps our own attitudes toward caring those we hold dear despite challenges ahead
