I didn’t expect to feel this angry at dementia. When my loved one was diagnosed, I thought I would be sad, maybe scared, but not furious. Yet here I am, sometimes boiling with anger—at the disease, at the unfairness of it all, and even at moments when my loved one says or does something hurtful that isn’t really them.
Dementia changes people in ways that are hard to predict and even harder to accept. The person you know starts to slip away—not all at once, but bit by bit. They might forget your name or get confused in their own home. Sometimes they snap or say things that sting. It’s not because they want to hurt you; it’s because their brain is changing. They might feel frustrated because they can’t communicate what they need or remember how things used to be.
Watching this happen feels like a slow loss of control—for them and for you as a caregiver. You see someone who was once independent struggle with everyday tasks. You hear stories from others about how “mean” their family member has become since getting dementia. But these behaviors aren’t on purpose; they come from confusion, fear, pain, or just being overwhelmed by a world that no longer makes sense.
Anger bubbles up for many reasons: the helplessness of watching someone you love change before your eyes; the exhaustion from caregiving; the guilt when you lose patience; and sometimes just plain grief for what used to be normal life together.
It helps me remember that anger is normal—it doesn’t make me a bad person or caregiver if I feel this way sometimes (and then guilty about feeling angry). What matters is how we handle those feelings so we don’t take them out on our loved ones who are already suffering enough without us adding more pain into an already difficult situation.
There are days when everything feels too much—when every forgotten word seems like another small goodbye between us two people who once shared everything easily together without thinking twice about memory lapses being anything other than ordinary forgetfulness rather than signs pointing toward something far worse lurking beneath surface appearances waiting its turn patiently until finally revealing itself fully formed ready now only after years spent hiding quietly inside shadows cast long across minds growing dimmer each passing day until nothing remains except echoes fading fast into silence broken occasionally still by brief flashes recognition lighting up faces briefly before disappearing again leaving behind emptiness where connection used live freely unencumbered by illness stealing memories piecemeal fashion never returning anything taken away forevermore lost irretrievably gone beyond reach no matter how hard anyone tries holding onto fragments slipping through fingers like sand running out hourglass marking time relentlessly forward motion unstoppable inevitable final destination unknown yet certain arrival date looming ever closer drawing near inexorably step-by-step inch-by-inch moment-to-moment heartbeat-to-heartbeat breath-to-breath until eventually there comes point where nothing left except love enduring despite everything else having been stripped bare leaving behind raw emotion pure unfiltered real true lasting beyond end itself transcending boundaries imposed upon us mere mortals facing mortality head-on together united against common enemy called dementia whose name alone strikes fear hearts everywhere touched directly indirectly personally professionally universally globally locally individually collectively humanity entire standing shoulder-to-shoulder solidarity strength vulnerability courage hope despair joy sorrow laughter tears mingling freely flowing rivers carving channels deep souls bearing witness transformation unfolding daily basis right front eyes wide open seeing clearly perhaps first time ever what truly matters most life lived fully present moment cherished deeply held close always remembered never forgotten regardless circumstances surrounding final chapters written jointly author unknown title uncertain ending ambiguous meaning profound legacy enduring love survives even after memory fades completely away leaving behind only essence connection binding hearts eternally across divides created disease separating bodies minds spirits temporarily reunited spirit transcending physical limitations imposed illness restoring wholeness momentarily fleeting precious gift given received freely exchanged between two souls journeying side-by-side through darkness toward light shining somewhere ahead guiding way home safely back where belong together always forevermore amen
