Why is my father with dementia calling my mother by his first girlfriend’s name?

Why Your Father with Dementia Calls Your Mother by His First Girlfriend’s Name

Dementia can cause confusion and memory problems that affect how a person recognizes and interacts with loved ones. If your father is calling your mother by his first girlfriend’s name, it’s likely due to how dementia impacts memory and perception.

As dementia progresses, it becomes harder for the brain to access recent memories. Older memories from childhood and young adulthood often remain more intact. Your father may be mentally time-traveling to an earlier period of his life when he was dating his first girlfriend. In his mind, he may truly believe he is speaking to her rather than your mother.

This name mix-up doesn’t mean your father has forgotten your mother or loves her any less. His brain is simply having trouble connecting his current reality with the right memories and associations. He’s not intentionally calling your mother the wrong name – his damaged brain is providing incorrect information.

Dementia can also cause problems with facial recognition. Your father may struggle to visually identify your mother, even if he remembers who she is. Using the wrong name could be his brain’s attempt to match a familiar face with a name, even if it’s not quite right.

For your mother, hearing the wrong name can understandably be hurtful and frustrating. But try to remember this behavior stems from the disease, not your father’s true feelings. Gently reminding him of your mother’s name or showing him photos may help in the moment. Focus on the emotional connection rather than getting hung up on names.

As hard as it is, try not to argue or correct your father repeatedly. This often leads to more confusion and distress. Instead, respond to the emotion behind his words. If he seems happy to see “Sarah,” your mother can simply smile and greet him warmly in return.

Consider speaking to your father’s doctor about this symptom. While it’s common in dementia, it could indicate the disease is progressing. The doctor may have additional strategies to help manage confusion and memory issues.

Remember, your father isn’t choosing to use the wrong name. His brain is giving him faulty information. With patience and understanding, you can still have meaningful interactions, even if names get mixed up sometimes. Focus on the love and connection that remains, rather than perfect recall of names and faces.