Why is my father with dementia convinced I am a stranger trying to hurt him?

Dementia can cause significant changes in a person’s behavior and perception, including paranoia and mistrust of loved ones. If your father with dementia is convinced you’re a stranger trying to hurt him, it’s likely due to the disease affecting his brain and memory.

As dementia progresses, it damages areas of the brain responsible for memory, reasoning, and recognizing familiar people. This can lead to confusion about identities, even of close family members. Your father may not recognize you or may believe you’re someone else entirely.

The paranoia and suspicion are common symptoms in many types of dementia. Your father’s brain is trying to make sense of a confusing situation, and unfortunately lands on the false conclusion that you mean him harm. This isn’t a reflection on you or your relationship – it’s the disease talking.

Some factors that can worsen paranoia in dementia include:

– Unfamiliar environments or changes in routine
– Poor lighting that creates shadows or visual confusion
– Medications that have side effects like increased anxiety
– Physical discomfort or pain the person can’t communicate
– Lack of sleep or disrupted sleep patterns

To help manage these paranoid episodes:

Stay calm and don’t argue. Reassure your father that he’s safe.

Introduce yourself calmly by name and relationship each time you see him.

Show old family photos to help trigger memories.

Keep his environment familiar and well-lit.

Ensure he’s not in pain or discomfort.

Consult his doctor about adjusting medications if needed.

Consider having other family members he may still recognize visit more often.

Use distraction techniques to redirect his attention when he becomes suspicious.

While it’s emotionally difficult to have a parent not recognize you, remember that this behavior stems from the disease, not your father’s true feelings. With patience and the right approach, you can still have meaningful interactions and provide comfort, even if he doesn’t always know who you are.

Don’t hesitate to seek support for yourself as a caregiver. Dealing with a loved one’s dementia is challenging, and you need to take care of your own mental health too. Support groups and counseling can provide valuable coping strategies.