Why is my uncle with dementia sitting by the door, waiting for a father who died decades ago?

Your uncle’s behavior is a common symptom of dementia called “exit-seeking.” People with dementia often become confused about time and place, mixing up past and present. They may believe they need to go somewhere or meet someone from their past, like a parent who has passed away.

In your uncle’s case, he’s likely reliving memories of waiting for his father to come home. His mind has traveled back to an earlier time in his life, and he doesn’t realize his father is no longer alive. This behavior can be triggered by feelings of anxiety, restlessness, or a desire for familiarity and comfort.

It’s important to respond with patience and compassion. Trying to convince him that his father has died may cause distress. Instead, gently redirect his attention to a pleasant activity or reminisce about happy memories of his father. You could say something like, “Your dad always came home around this time, didn’t he? Tell me about what you used to do together when he got home.”

Creating a calm environment and establishing routines can help reduce exit-seeking behavior. Keeping your uncle engaged in meaningful activities throughout the day may also lessen his urge to wait by the door. Remember, he’s not being difficult on purpose – his brain is struggling to make sense of his current reality.

If this behavior becomes frequent or puts your uncle at risk of wandering, consult his doctor. They may suggest additional strategies or treatments to manage his symptoms and ensure his safety[1][2][5].