Why is my grandfather with dementia asking when his mother is coming to pick him up?

When a grandfather with dementia asks when his mother is coming to pick him up, it can be both confusing and heartbreaking for family members. This behavior is actually quite common in people with dementia and has a few potential explanations.

As dementia progresses, it affects the brain’s ability to form new memories and recall recent events. However, older memories from childhood often remain intact longer. This can cause a person with dementia to mentally regress to an earlier time in their life, when they were young and their mother was still alive[1].

The grandfather may be experiencing a phenomenon called “time shifting,” where he loses track of his current age and circumstances. In his mind, he may truly believe he is a child again, waiting for his mother to come get him after school or an outing[1].

This time shifting can also be triggered by feelings of vulnerability or insecurity. As dementia causes confusion and memory loss, the grandfather may be seeking the comfort and safety associated with his mother from childhood[3].

It’s important for caregivers and family members to respond with compassion in these situations. Trying to correct or argue with someone who has dementia rarely helps and can cause more distress. Instead, experts recommend validating their feelings and gently redirecting the conversation[1][3].

Some helpful responses could include:

“Your mother isn’t able to come right now, but I’m here with you.”
“It sounds like you’re missing your mother. Would you like to look at some old family photos together?”
“I know you’d like to see your mother. Let’s go for a walk and talk about some of your favorite memories of her.”

The goal is to acknowledge the person’s emotions without reinforcing inaccurate beliefs. With patience and understanding, you can help your grandfather feel safe and cared for in the present moment[3][5].

If this behavior becomes very frequent or distressing, it’s a good idea to consult with his doctor. They may be able to adjust medications or suggest other strategies to reduce confusion and anxiety[1].

Remember that even as dementia progresses, your grandfather still benefits from loving interactions with family. Focus on creating positive moments together in whatever time and place his mind currently inhabits[5][6].