Why We Expect People to Earn Our Friendship
When we think about friendships, we often assume that earning someone’s friendship is a natural part of building a relationship. But why do we expect people to earn our friendship in the first place? This expectation can stem from several factors, including our desire for meaningful connections, the influence of social norms, and the psychological benefits of having close friends.
Firstly, we want our friendships to be meaningful and genuine. We don’t just want acquaintances; we want people who understand us, support us, and share similar interests. This desire for depth in our relationships leads us to believe that if someone is truly interested in being friends, they should be willing to put in the effort to build that connection. It’s not just about spending time together; it’s about engaging in meaningful conversations and sharing experiences that bring us closer.
Another reason we expect people to earn our friendship is the influence of social norms. In many cultures, the idea of “earning” someone’s respect or friendship is deeply ingrained. This can be seen in the way we often view friendships as something that develops over time, through shared experiences and mutual support. If someone is not willing to invest time and effort into the relationship, it can feel like they’re not truly committed to being friends.
Psychologically, our friendships play a significant role in shaping who we are. We tend to mirror the people around us, both emotionally and socially. This means that the company we keep can influence our mood, our mindset, and even our sense of self. Therefore, we want to surround ourselves with people who positively impact our lives, and we expect those people to demonstrate their value to us through their actions and commitment.
Lastly, the idea of earning friendship can also be linked to our need for validation. When someone puts in the effort to build a friendship with us, it feels like they value and appreciate us. This validation can boost our self-esteem and make us feel more connected to others. In essence, earning someone’s friendship is not just about the other person; it’s also about how it makes us feel about ourselves.
Overall, our expectation that people should earn our friendship reflects our desire for meaningful relationships, the influence of social norms, and the psychological benefits of close friendships. It’s a way of ensuring that our friendships are built on mutual respect, trust, and a genuine interest in each other’s lives.
